2 steps forward, 1 step back

When E was little he had a terrible time with taking things that weren't his. On his first day of kindergarten CR told the teacher. Rather condescendingly, the teacher told her not to worry about it; many kids have this problem.

On day 2 of kindergarten, CR brought back all the things that E had taken from the teacher's desk the day before. The teacher laughed it off. And then she gave CR a pamphlet on the topic.

On the third day, CR again brought back all the things that E had taken and the teacher, simply amazed, said, "Oh, he's good."

He would quit for a while and all of us adults would think, "Whew! Thank goodness THAT phase is over!" Then he'd start again and catch us all by surprise. At one point, I think he was about 10, I would strip search him at the door. After he'd spent the weekend with me, I'd let him pack all his stuff up and then we'd stop at the door. I'd empty his bag and make him strip down to his tighty whities. That plan worked exactly once before he started storing stuff in his underwear.

One year I'd procured three notebooks from the "to be retired" pile at work and gave one to each kid. They were dog-slow, but you could still play solitaire on them. One time, after he'd been living in TX, he came to my house to help me move. C's notebook had bit the dust... or so we thought. Then, CR caught him with 2 notebooks. That little skunk had taken a bunch of spare parts while he was "packing" and took them back to TX. Then, he used them to fix C's notebook, which he kept for himself. Of course I was busting with pride that he was able to fix the computer all by himself. OTOH, I was oh-so-disappointed. The parts were just junk to me. But of course I had to lecture him for taking them.

Which brings us up to current times.

In my dresser I have a butter dish full of state quarters. I gave each of the big kids a set, and so I've been trying to get a set together for the little guy. One day I went to put something in the little drawer where the butter dish is and the dish was empty. But sometimes I borrow from it, and I couldn't remember the last time I'd done that.

Last Friday, my mother was here. She'd handed me something and I went to put it in that drawer. And the butter dish was empty. This time I knew I hadn't borrowed from it.

I quietly brought E into my room and showed him the empty dish. He started to deny he'd taken them and I said, "Bullshit! You are the only one here during the day. I know you're doing it, now stop it!" He said he was sorry and we left the room. After mom left that weekend I forgot to have a talk with him about it.

I have been very busy at work and so it's taken me several days to get this typed up. But this morning I checked the dish. I'm not 100% sure, but I think there's less quarters in it. I counted them so I will know for sure next time.

I know some of you are thinking, "So move the dish already!" And there was a time when I might have said the same thing. But all his life, that's what has happened. He took something, so they put a lock on the door so he couldn't do that any more. He took something else; another lock. In life there will not always be a lock... well, there will be on his cell door. But he's got to learn to resist the temptation, not depend on someone to lock up those things he's not supposed to take.

The thing is, I'm not sure what to do to punish him. There's got to be some sort of consequence or he won't get it. Normally, I'd assign dishes, or clean the toilets... some sort of unpleasant chore. But he's already doing that stuff on his own.

So, to any parents in the crowd: What sort of inventive punishments have you instituted?

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General Update

I hope everyone and their property fared well during the recent torrential rains. While I personally didn't have any property issues, I apparently missed the memo that some of the towns between my house and work were built on a flood plain. Getting home was a challenge last Friday night. Here's some pics of the flooding nearby:

http://www.kansas.com/static/slides/091208flooding/
http://www.kansas.com/static/slides/091208readerspics/

My apologies for the wait between updates, but there really hasn't been a lot going on. E is doing really well. My mother called to talk to him the other day and she said she had a really nice discussion with him. He was polite and funny and I could tell by her tone that she was pleasantly surprised.

E actually called CR on her birthday. While I did remind him, I sort of expected him to send her a text message. I talked to her later in the day and I could tell she was really surprised he called too. He talked to her for a few minutes and then he abruptly ended the conversation with, "Well, I've got things to do so I've gotta go." In the old days he would have just hung up on her. So he's still making progress.

He's also been taking the responsibility to re-schedule his counselor appointments. Its only happened a couple of times, but that's still a big step forward.

This week, he has an appointment to see if he qualifies for "vocational rehabilitation". I'm not 100% sure what that is, but everyone I've talked to about him says it will be good for him, so we're going. But he also has an appointment with his med dr. that same afternoon. I told him I can't take off work for 2 appointments in one day so he can either reschedule the med dr. or he can go by himself. He said he'd go by himself.

Actually the new cocktail of drugs has been working really well for him. He doesn't have huge mood swings. He doesn't get angry and fly off the handle. He jokes around and laughs a lot.

Now if only I could find a way to pay for his meds, life would be great!