Guess Who Changed Her Mind Again?

E was still in bed when I woke up on Sunday, so I decided to watch the movie that we rented that I knew he didn't care anything about. I was listening to the commentary on the extras when I fell asleep. Next thing I know E is waking me up. After grumbling and grousing about, I decided that I should go reserve the hotel and van to go pick up S. Their little town in TX has morphed into a "resort" town. And I've discovered that you can't wait til the day before (like I used to when they fist moved down there) to make a reservation. Plus, it seems like the price goes up $20 every time I go down there. Pretty soon I won't be able to afford to go down there at all.

Sunday nights I reserve to watch "my shows." C almost always calls me during this time and I tend to get agitated with her. There were no calls on this night, but as I was getting ready for bed I happened to glance at my phone and see the following text messages from CR:

S didn't want to disturb your shows but b4 too much planning happened S decided today not to move b4 the baby comes

OMG, I was furious! I texted CR back:

Great. I've already reserved a room & van. Now that u live in a "resort" town I can't wait til the last minute. I am sick & fucking tired of this shit.

Yes, S's indecision is driving me bonkers. I'm also sure that CR has been laying the guilt on *thick* (first grandchild, etc.) But it's hard to express those nuances in 160 characters. CR responded:

Can't help it she just decided today. She promises she won't change her mind tomorrow is all I can say. Can't you just cancel the other stuff?

ARGH! They SO don't get it! In my fury I also texted S:

Its time for you to act like a grown up & not have ur mommy deliver ur messages. If you've got something to say to me, YOU say it.

I was still angry when I woke up on Monday. I know I've been apprehensive about what would happen to E once S arrived, but when I examine my feelings now, I guess I figured it would all work out.

E & I decided Monday night to go ahead and go to TX. No, I really don't have the money, but I think E needs to see his brother (& vice versa). I suppose I need to talk to S too. But I'm half way between still-very-angry and ready-to-bawl-my-eyes-out, so I haven't a clue what I would say.

I know what you're thinking: Seriously? You didn't see this coming? She's changed her mind... how many times???

You're right, of course. I did see this coming. But it wasn't til I talked to my mother this morning that I figured out why I was so upset.

She was telling me how much better S was doing: actually helping out a little (not a lot, just a little), grieving over the lost relationship with DS (no, they are not back together), and she and CR were finally getting along better.

Me	That's all well and good, but she's got to live in KS 6 months before she can get "in state" tuition. Anything before that is "out of state" and 4x as much.
Mom	Ok. What do you want me to do? I think that's where she needs to be now.
Me	Maybe its true, maybe not. [Ed: definitely not] I'm talking about her future here.
Mom	Can't you just butt out?
Me	[nearly running off the road; yes, I was driving and talking, but I had a headset on!] No, I will not butt out! I am the only one who's thinking about how she's going to care for this baby! You and CR are being very short-sided in how you're approaching this situation. Since you won't think about the future, apparently I have to!
Mom	Aren't you sweet?
Me	[seething]

I swear to God I almost hung up on her for calling me sweet. You want to know what's really going on here? You've read this far, so I guess so. My mother is SO afraid that CR will get depressed over this situation and she'll try to kill herself again. There. I said it. I named the big pink elephant in the middle of the room. And so she's totally willing to sacrifice S & baby to make sure CR stays happy.

Later in the conversation she told me that S is not going to college & CR doesn't really care. Again, not a surprise. I knew it, but hearing the words made me realize why I'm so upset: I was desperately holding on to the dream that S was going to get out of the trailer park trash world that she'd grown up in... and now she's just bringing another generation into it.

I know you hear me harping on college like it's the be-all, end-all solution. I know its not. I also know that a diploma is not a guarantee. I just want to expose to her to other people, other life styles, other ways of thinking. I don't even care if she graduates. I just want her out of that place.

But that's not going to happen. I know it, but I just can't seem to come to grips with it.

Week of Frustrations, Part III

Friday.

E and I toured the college in Wichita. I had a little trepidation over doing the tour because E is only partially medicated. (In my defense, he only told me he was out on Wednesday evening. And since one of his meds is regulated, they can't call it in. We have to go pick up the script and take it to the pharmacy. Hope to have that filled this weekend.)

But he was in a pretty good mood in spite of that. I've started to notice the subtle differences between a good mood and the evil spawn that sometimes inhabits his body. Like, he says, "bull crap" instead of, "bull sh*t". Bull crap = good mood.

E	Do we have to tour the whole place? I just wanna see the auto stuff.
Me	I imagine we'll have to see the whole place.
E	Well, that's a bunch of bull crap.

Also, "crackheads" = good mood. (Like I said, it's subtle.)

The tour was fine. The lady that took us around, surprisingly, only took us to the automotive area. The facilities are much more sophisticated than those of the community college we visited. E was very impressed with them. But they are EXPENSIVE! About 3x the cost of HCC. Plus, he'll have to take a comp and math course just to get the certificate, whereas HCC does not require comp or math unless you're getting an AA. Dang, it. I was hoping they were going to be pretty much equal.

Since the tour was done so quickly, I decided we should take another run at his driver's license. We now had the legal-looking paper that CR has used all these years to get him through school. Guess what? Nope, it didn't pass muster with the DMV. They friggin' called the office of vital statistics. And guess what else? The affidavit (a.k.a. legal-looking paper) is no longer any good. So it's not like I can just mail it in and finish the process. Nope. I've got to start ALL OVER. I texted CR:

You're lucky u live so far away or I would strangle you. The DMV did not take the "legal-looking" document you've been showing to everyone all these years. Grrr

Its times like these that I wish I drank.

Early morning phone call

My day started with a phone call before my alarms had even started to go off. Even if it had come after the alarms had started to go off, it still wouldn't have been good.

Caller	Who is this?
Me	Huh? (Ed: just because I answered the phone, do not be under the illusion that I'm awake.)
Caller	Who am I speaking to?
Me	You called me. Who are you?
Caller	This is Brandi's mom.

Uh-oh.

E has been talking to Brandi non-stop for a couple of weeks now. At all hours of the day and night. I didn't worry too much about it because it was summer time.

I had asked E about her. He said she's 17 and she lives in "north TX." Where ever that might be. Again, I didn't worry about it because E doesn't have enough money to buy gas to get to church once a week, so he's sure not leaving the state.

As you can probably imagine, the mother had a whole different take on the situation.

For starters she did not appreciate all the calls in the middle of the night. (CR used to take the kids' cell phones to bed with her to prevent that sort of thing. I'm not sure why this mother hasn't thought of that since her daughter was equally the callee as the caller.)

Also, she had blocked E's cell phone number for "threats he'd made." I wish I'd have been more awake to probe that statement a little more. Sorry, folks. I don't have any more details on that one.

Ultimately, I told her I'd talk to E and we hung up.

I was on my way to work before I remembered about the call again. So I decided to call CR and see if she had any more details.

Other than remembering the name, she didn't. Oh, wait. She thought that Brandi was around 14. Whoa! That's a waaaay different number than 17! She also had a funny story about C. It seems that C takes great pleasure in tormenting E's female callers. Once she's aware of the fact that she's gotten under their skin and knows they don't like her, she calls them members of her fan club. CR said she thought Brandi was a member of C's fan club, so maybe I should ask her.

While she had me on the phone she decided to yell at me, "What are you planning with my daughter?" This is exactly why I try not to call CR. "Who? S? Nothing! Why?" Her tone still accusatory, "She keeps giving us a count down on the number of days til she's leaving." Well, duh, labor day is just around the corner. That date hasn't changed.

And then she recounted all the different ways she keeps trying to convince S to stay. For example, pointing out that she didn't used to want to be in the same room as E, why would she want to move where he's living now? I could really go off on a rant here, but I think you all know what I'm thinking, so I won't. Back to the original story...

I did talk to C, and other that remember the name and fan club status she didn't have any additional details either.

So E called later and was bummed because Brandi's mom had blocked my number. (She's quick, eh?) I told him that she had called and gave him the Reader's Digest version of the early morning call. (Which is something of a misnomer since I really don't remember that much of the call to begin with.) I really didn't want to have this conversation over the phone. E does much better when we do the serious stuff face-to-face. But here we were...

I asked E how old she was again. He said, "She's going to be 17." Ah. Clever trick. I won't be falling for that one again. So, is she a senior? "No, she's a junior." Oh, E, this is not good.

Then he wanted to know what the supposed "threats" were. I didn't have that info. He was like, "I WANT TO KNOW!" He was going to call her to find out. I tried to explain what a very bad idea that was. I guess I'll find out when I get home if he actually called her or not. (Yes, in case you're wondering, my lashes {that had just grown back} are falling out as I type this.)

Then, without hardly a breath between topics, "I want to move back to TX."

Announcer: In this corner, wearing blue trunks, the wallet: "The HELL you are going back to TX! I filled up my credit cards buying parts for your truck, furniture, clothes... you will stay here and PAY RENT!"

Announcer: And in this corner, wearing red trunks, the conscience: But you were so unhappy in TX...

Yes, he was unhappy, but he misses his friends. [sigh] I tried to tell him that it would get better after he started working. "But," he whined, "Brandi is the only one who knows me."

Anyone want to trade places tonight?

Stupid Birth Certificate

So last Friday E and I tried to go get his driver's license moved to KS. I was kinda hoping we could convince whoever happened to be behind the counter that since my last name matched E's birth certificate, and my address matched E's address that they'd make the leap of faith. They didn't. Dammit.

Even if I had CR's paper that she has had stapled to E's birth certificate, it's still not legal... but apparently it's pretty convincing (since that's what she's used all these years).

So I downloaded a form off the internet to do the process right. E has to take it and get it notarized. Plan B: CR sent the legal-looking-paper along with his bday present, which should be here today or tomorrow.

Good thing because he got a letter from the insurance people that they need proof of his citizenship, which requires... a BIRTH CERTIFICATE! And they need it by Monday, else his eligibility is denied.

But no pressure.

Stop the spinning, I wanna get off now

When last we left our heroes yesterday, S was heading to KS for nebulous reasons.

She finally called me. DS' dad, G's, wife/girlfriend/whatever-the-hell-she-is has decided that she didn't like S being there. So she told G to tell DS to tell S that she had to go. (Didja get all that?)

So I get home, and first thing I had a talk with E. Holy cow, talk about Jekyll & Hyde... I don't remember if it was "S" or "TX" that turned him, but it was like this past month had never happened. He yelled and growled and stomped around the house. He's so afraid of what S is going to be like... and S is so afraid that E is going to be the same person as he was in TX... do you think they're old enough to understand a self-fulfilling prophecy?

When E came back with me after graduation, CR had not been informed that he was leaving that soon. And he was like, "Ok, see ya. Bye." And I was in trouble again.

This time, I told S that she had to inform her mother. She said she would after CR woke up. (In my birthday haze yesterday, I'd forgotten it was CR's day off. 2 more demerits.) I texted her last night to ask if she'd informed CR and no, of course she hadn't. So I told her she HAD to get that info to her. Well, by then it was after CR's normal time to leave for work. (Of course, since it was her day off that was not valid ... yeah, yeah, yeah. 2 demerits for me.) I'd said, "Call her, leave a voicemail, text her, whatever. Just notify her." So she texted. Later I got a text from S that said, "Done."

Today, the day started with an 8:30 meeting. Of course you know that I'm not a morning person, but with the muscle relaxers I have to take for my TMJ, it's truly a challenge just to get out of bed. I had to set 2 more alarms (which brought the grand total up to 6... or maybe 7... I can't keep track). Even then, by the time I got here my right eye still wasn't working. You know those puzzles that when you "relax" your eyes you see a different image? Well that's what my eyes do. Only instead of another image, there's two of everything. So I have to close one eye to see where the real cars are. Poor me, I know.

Post meeting, I saw that there was vmail on my phone. It's an ANGRY message from CR. Woo-hoo! The gist was, "Why are you taking away my kid {read: grandchild}" That's it, I'm the bad guy. I called her and she didn't answer so I left the reader's digest version in her vmail. Then I called my mother. I basically told her that I'm tired of getting yelled at for taking care of HER children. *I* could use a little support in this matter instead of getting beat up all the time since I'm trying to do the right thing. She's like, "Well, what do you want me to do about it?" Well, how 'bout the next time she calls you all whining and crying you take MY side for a change? AAARRRGGHH!

Moving on with the day, I try to get a rental car scheduled. They're all out of minivans. Wonderful. But he'll check and try to see what's available in the other locations and get back to me.

Called E to remind him to call the doctor.

CR called me back. Still angry, but less projecting anger at me, if that makes any sense. I recapped what I'd left in the voicemail. First she wants to complain about how S never does anything at home... and how G's wife/whatever is probably angry about that. I can neither confirm nor deny. Then she wants to re-hash E's whole trip to his paternal relatives. Oh sure, its not like I'm working or anything... plus, that was SO last week. Blah, blah, blah, making a pass at his step-mom... blah, blah, blah, E's truck broke down... blah, blah, blah.

Got the new power supply today. Oh, I think I forgot the mention this one. For Christmas I got the TX clan a very expensive piece of network equipment that would protect them from the risky [internet] behavior that the kids had of surfing the music/whatever download sites. They couldn't figure out why they all had spyware. Hmmmmmm... let's think for a second... So I got this equipment for them. All they had to do was PLUG IT IN. My company sells these, so we would set it up and manage it, they just had to PLUG IT IN. But "big D" didn't understand how it worked, so he wouldn't plug it in. ARE YOU FRIGGIN' KIDDING ME???!? Nope. I said, "If I was a heart surgeon and I told you you needed a pace maker and you didn't understand how that worked, would you not get that either?" So fine. I took it back when I was down there for graduation. It was out of the box, so I got a Walmart bag full of parts. When I went to plug it in at home, I discovered there was no power supply. So I had to order a $17 power supply. Which I realize is small change compared to the thousands I've laid out lately, but it's the principal. Bitter? Party of one...

Then my mother called with news from the court house. Last weekend, when I was in KC, I'd asked her to call the courthouse to get a copy of E's name change papers. See, he was born with my last name/CR's maiden name. Then, when he was 6 mo. old, CR got married to J, so they changed his last name to J's last name. Only the birth certificate says my last name. In order to get his license changed to KS, he has to show his current license and another form of ID, and birth certificate first on the list. So I ordered a copy of the birth certificate. But the license says J's last name. And I have no paper trail to explain how he got from A to B. CR said she had a copy of the court papers, but since the move hasn't been able to lay her hands on them. So I asked mom to get me a copy.

And the court house told her... wait for it... HIS NAME HAS NEVER BEEN LEGALLY CHANGED! Apparently she was supposed to send something in after she got the document that's been stapled to his birth certificate all these years, but she never did. She's just shown this document to everyone and nobody asked any questions. So all of E's paperwork, social security stuff, etc., says J's last name, but it's not E's legal last name. Everyone keeping up here?

I called CR and she said, "Oh yeah... I sorta remember that. I was gonna send it in, but I got busy..." aaaand now it's 18 years later.

I called E and told him and he said, "That's interesting." What do you want your last name to be? "Dad's." Of course. Not that either answer is going to be simple to fix.

I finally get a hold of S (who still doesn't have a cell phone because she smashed hers to bits in the Walmart parking lot fight, remember?) to confirm that she's coming this weekend. Thank God I called because she changed her mind. Her and the wife/whatever have kissed and made up and now everything is hunky dory.


The sun is staring at me like, "But the day has more to offer!" I told it to shut the hell up.

Legal kidnapping

Today I got a text message from E saying that he would not make it back today because his truck wasn't finished. I friggin' knew it. E called me on Friday to say that he and his dad were working on his brakes and various other things. (It's a 1995, suffice to say there's LOTS of things that can be fixed on it.) I could tell that E was excited. He tried to pretend to be all put out, but I could tell that he was thrilled to finally be spending some time with his dad.

I called my mom to tell her about the conversation and as I finished I added, “I could hear J in the background yelling, 'It WILL be fixed.' Just watch,” I told her, “he will make sure that the truck is not done in time for E to go back this weekend.” Can I call 'em or what?

Call me crazy, but I just don't trust the guy ever since he tried to kidnap E & S about ... I think it was about 4 years ago. Oh, he wasn't on the run or anything. It was a legal kidnapping. It was the first summer after the kids had moved to TX. He'd had the kids for a month, as spelled out in the divorce papers, but he was a day or two late bringing them back. When CR called him he had some excuse about his work schedule.

On a whim, she decided to drive back to KS to pick up the kids and see our mother. When she showed up at J's house, he told her she can't be there and promptly called the police. When the police showed up, he showed them the papers that said he had an emergency custody hearing scheduled for 2 days later and that he had full custody until then. If she hadn't shown up at his doorstep, she'd never had known about the hearing and likely would have lost custody.

I know what you're thinking: would that have been such a bad thing? I've had lots of time to mull that question over, and, yes, I think it woud have. For one thing, he would have stopped E's medication. Part of his meds help him with impulse control. Who knows what kind of trouble E would be in by now w/o that assistance. Also, his meds help him focus in school. Even though his education level is not what it should be, I doubt he would have been able to graduate w/o his meds. It's likely he would have been expelled because of his behaviour issues. Plus, the world's greatest aunt wouldn't be in his life.

So, CR was able to obtain a lawyer in time for the emergency hearing. In addition to arguing abuse, J's lawyer argued that the “state of KS” never gave up custody so CR had to bring them back. The whole abuse claim was predicated on a story that E had told, embellished to make him look more like the victim. J never bothered to find out the real story, he just took E's version for gospel truth.

All summer this went on, hearing after hearing. Meanwhile, J & J's wife, SY, did everything they could to keep the kids from having any contact with anyone from my side of the family. For example, they would erase messages left on the answering machine. Then they tried to tell the kids that nobody had called. Like if they said it enough eventually it would be true. That kind of stuff may have worked when they were 5, but both the kids were teenagers at this point, they knew how to check the caller-id. They liked to put J on a pedastal because, I believe, he wasn't the custodial parent. I imagine this is true in many divorced homes. So they had to deal with the fact that the guy they put up on this pedastal was lying to them.

Two days before school was to start in TX, E finally got up the guts to tell J that the story that started the whole mess wasn't true.

When E had turned 13 I got him a cell phone for his birthday. I took a lot of flak from the rest of the family for doing that. “He's not responsible enough,” they told me. My feeling was that if you don't give him anything to be responsible FOR, he's never going to learn. Well, thank God I did that.

I was in the process of moving to the po-dunk town I now live in that summer. So I made many trips back & forth, trying to clear out the house I'd owned. On this particular day, I was heading back to po-dunkville, when I received a call from E on the cell phone I'd given him (because they're not allowed to use the phone in J's house). There was a lot of commotion going on in the background. I later found out that was J throwing a fit. E said that J said they could leave, and could I come pick them up. I got off at the next exit and headed towards J's place.

I frantically called CR. Oddly, she was so calm, like, “well if it works out today, great, and if we have to wait til the next hearing, that's fine too.” School in KS was also scheduled to start that same week, if I remember right. And trying to get through CR's thick skull that if the kids started school in KS, she lost a significant advantage was like trying to drill through steel with a wet noodle.

See, if J had decided to file for a change of custody the summer before, BEFORE the kids had started school in TX, and before they had new doctors, and dentists, and new friends, I think he would have won, hands down. I was so mad at CR at that time, I would have supported him in that fight too. But he waited a year. In that time, the kids were well established in TX. So he had an uphill battle if he couldn't prove abuse.

But since the litigation had started, I couldn't just pick up the kids. Lawyers had to be consulted. J had to write a letter, worded a specific way, and sign it in front of me. Then, I had to call my mom, because my car was full of my shit from the house, so I had to load my shit into mom's car (because I wasn't driving back to my house and taking the chance that J would change his mind) so that I would have room for the kids and their stuff.

When I pulled in the driveway, E started bringing his stuff out, but I could't let him put it in my car until the letter was taken care of. J had calmed down by the time that I got there, so I didn't see any of the “fit” first-hand that the kids told me about.

We got the kids' stuff loaded without incident. I got to spend about 18 hrs with them, then we drove halfway to TX and they started school the next day. After that, everything fell into place. The KS judge ruled that KS officially gave up custody to TX. The TX judge had it's own hearing on when J got custody, which J blew off. Yep, you read that right. He just didn't show up. That really pissed off the TX judge. He held J in contempt of court and told him that if he ever missed another hearing he'd throw him in jail. (J then used this to try to manipulate the kids by telling them that their mother was going to have him thrown in jail. Nice, huh?)

So for all the drama J ended up with a worse situation than what he started. For starters, CR was trying to be fair with all the driving and meet him halfway at each scheduled visit. After J missed court, the judge thought differently. So J was required to do all the driving. He also gave J very rigid dates and times that he had to notify CR of before he could see the kids. So if he didn't notify CR by a certain date/time when he was going to pick the kids up and when he was going to return them, he didn't get the kids at all. Also, there was a new section written about giving mom or I time to see the kids whenever they were in KS for a scheduled visit with him. That, plus all the thousands of dollars in lawyer and court fees... (Mom paid for CR's lawyer, if your were wondering, because I was unemployed at the time.)

So back to E and his truck and J's antics: J drove the truck to work today to get all the work done on it. Did it all NEED to be done? I have no idea. I don't know nuthin' 'bout fixin' no trucks. In the mean time I'll have a knot in my stomach until E is safe at “home.”

In other completely unrelated, but ever-so-dramatic news... S had a HUGE fight with her boyfriend, and baby-daddy, DS. S has been having fits about having to watch the little guy ever since C left town. (Since normally C gets that job.) Gotta hand it to her, she's got lazy down to an art. So, in Walmart's parking lot no less, CR, DS, and S are in a huge screaming match. (Because where else would you hold such an event? Not Home Depot's parking lot. They've got too much class...) And get this, DS took CR's side! In spite of his screwed up home life, he did manage to get some manners of out it. His feeling is that S should be doing something to contribute, because CR has put a roof over her head. S, who doesn't feel like she needs to do anything besides be in love, complains at every turn. Last I heard, he took his ring back. S was so mad at him she threw her phone and smashed it to bits. Drama-rama!

And now I'm going to go put some color on my hair because I'm tired of looking at all the gray.

You can call me, "Tree"

When C was younger, she went through a phase where she would shout, “Potato!” in much the same manner as one might use the word, “dude!” It was her go-to word, used to express a variety of emotions. If she was baffled, “Potato!”; surprised, “Potato!”; amused, “Potato!” Being an aquarius, she mixed it up a bit. Sometimes she said it qietly, sometimes she said it emhatically, sometimes she stomped her feet as she said it, and sometimes she wrang her hands maniacally and used her most “evil” voice. I don't know why that popped into my head this evening, I was just driving home and suddenly, “Potato!”

I talked to CR today. She was furious with E. Shortly before the move started, she had bought a can of green paint to be used to paint the little guy's room at the new place. Before he left, E, helped himself to the paint and painted his door and door frame, at the old place of course. (He must have decided that the door was too much green because he helped himself to more paint, also purchased for the new place, to re-paint the door.) And then I was shocked, shocked I tell ya, to hear that he didn't put the paint back where he found it. Today the little guy got into it. He painted his body, hair, clothes, and the [borrowed] trailer all green.

Side note, speaking of the move: they were supposed to be out of the old place on June 3. But they still have stuff at the old place! You do the math. Of course all the utilities are turned off over there, so it's hotter than shit (well, it's TX, so of course it's hotter than shit).

As they were de-greening him, he informed her that there were 2 little d's: a good one and a bad one, and the good one's name was, “tree.”

Also talked to E today. He, apparently, has had enough of his paternal side of the family and is coming home this coming weekend. Potato!

Not sure of C's plans yet. She still wants to go home early. [Big] D has a cousin that works for some airline. He and CR think they'll be able to finagle a free ticket for C to fly back to TX.

Do you know who D is? Do you remember that seen in “Look Who's Talking” where John Travolta was old and fat, and serving the kids a can of beans that he dug out of the trash can? Kirstie Alley was flashing forward to what life with him might be like. That's D, to a “T”.

You may have heard me speak of the copier that used to live on the front porch. He was at a job site one day and the building he was working on was throwing it out. So he brought it home. Because that's what we'd all do, right? It stayed in their living room for a looong time until it was finally banished to the front porch. (Ultimately, it was moved to the back patio. Sad because it brought such sophistication and class as you approached the front door.)

But here's the thing: of the 5 cars in the backyard that didn't run, only 1, O-N-E, was hauled off to the junkyard. They moved 4 broken, as in NOT working, cars to the new place!

It's true. Check the pic below.

No wonder they haven't finished moving!

Potato.