Legal kidnapping

Today I got a text message from E saying that he would not make it back today because his truck wasn't finished. I friggin' knew it. E called me on Friday to say that he and his dad were working on his brakes and various other things. (It's a 1995, suffice to say there's LOTS of things that can be fixed on it.) I could tell that E was excited. He tried to pretend to be all put out, but I could tell that he was thrilled to finally be spending some time with his dad.

I called my mom to tell her about the conversation and as I finished I added, “I could hear J in the background yelling, 'It WILL be fixed.' Just watch,” I told her, “he will make sure that the truck is not done in time for E to go back this weekend.” Can I call 'em or what?

Call me crazy, but I just don't trust the guy ever since he tried to kidnap E & S about ... I think it was about 4 years ago. Oh, he wasn't on the run or anything. It was a legal kidnapping. It was the first summer after the kids had moved to TX. He'd had the kids for a month, as spelled out in the divorce papers, but he was a day or two late bringing them back. When CR called him he had some excuse about his work schedule.

On a whim, she decided to drive back to KS to pick up the kids and see our mother. When she showed up at J's house, he told her she can't be there and promptly called the police. When the police showed up, he showed them the papers that said he had an emergency custody hearing scheduled for 2 days later and that he had full custody until then. If she hadn't shown up at his doorstep, she'd never had known about the hearing and likely would have lost custody.

I know what you're thinking: would that have been such a bad thing? I've had lots of time to mull that question over, and, yes, I think it woud have. For one thing, he would have stopped E's medication. Part of his meds help him with impulse control. Who knows what kind of trouble E would be in by now w/o that assistance. Also, his meds help him focus in school. Even though his education level is not what it should be, I doubt he would have been able to graduate w/o his meds. It's likely he would have been expelled because of his behaviour issues. Plus, the world's greatest aunt wouldn't be in his life.

So, CR was able to obtain a lawyer in time for the emergency hearing. In addition to arguing abuse, J's lawyer argued that the “state of KS” never gave up custody so CR had to bring them back. The whole abuse claim was predicated on a story that E had told, embellished to make him look more like the victim. J never bothered to find out the real story, he just took E's version for gospel truth.

All summer this went on, hearing after hearing. Meanwhile, J & J's wife, SY, did everything they could to keep the kids from having any contact with anyone from my side of the family. For example, they would erase messages left on the answering machine. Then they tried to tell the kids that nobody had called. Like if they said it enough eventually it would be true. That kind of stuff may have worked when they were 5, but both the kids were teenagers at this point, they knew how to check the caller-id. They liked to put J on a pedastal because, I believe, he wasn't the custodial parent. I imagine this is true in many divorced homes. So they had to deal with the fact that the guy they put up on this pedastal was lying to them.

Two days before school was to start in TX, E finally got up the guts to tell J that the story that started the whole mess wasn't true.

When E had turned 13 I got him a cell phone for his birthday. I took a lot of flak from the rest of the family for doing that. “He's not responsible enough,” they told me. My feeling was that if you don't give him anything to be responsible FOR, he's never going to learn. Well, thank God I did that.

I was in the process of moving to the po-dunk town I now live in that summer. So I made many trips back & forth, trying to clear out the house I'd owned. On this particular day, I was heading back to po-dunkville, when I received a call from E on the cell phone I'd given him (because they're not allowed to use the phone in J's house). There was a lot of commotion going on in the background. I later found out that was J throwing a fit. E said that J said they could leave, and could I come pick them up. I got off at the next exit and headed towards J's place.

I frantically called CR. Oddly, she was so calm, like, “well if it works out today, great, and if we have to wait til the next hearing, that's fine too.” School in KS was also scheduled to start that same week, if I remember right. And trying to get through CR's thick skull that if the kids started school in KS, she lost a significant advantage was like trying to drill through steel with a wet noodle.

See, if J had decided to file for a change of custody the summer before, BEFORE the kids had started school in TX, and before they had new doctors, and dentists, and new friends, I think he would have won, hands down. I was so mad at CR at that time, I would have supported him in that fight too. But he waited a year. In that time, the kids were well established in TX. So he had an uphill battle if he couldn't prove abuse.

But since the litigation had started, I couldn't just pick up the kids. Lawyers had to be consulted. J had to write a letter, worded a specific way, and sign it in front of me. Then, I had to call my mom, because my car was full of my shit from the house, so I had to load my shit into mom's car (because I wasn't driving back to my house and taking the chance that J would change his mind) so that I would have room for the kids and their stuff.

When I pulled in the driveway, E started bringing his stuff out, but I could't let him put it in my car until the letter was taken care of. J had calmed down by the time that I got there, so I didn't see any of the “fit” first-hand that the kids told me about.

We got the kids' stuff loaded without incident. I got to spend about 18 hrs with them, then we drove halfway to TX and they started school the next day. After that, everything fell into place. The KS judge ruled that KS officially gave up custody to TX. The TX judge had it's own hearing on when J got custody, which J blew off. Yep, you read that right. He just didn't show up. That really pissed off the TX judge. He held J in contempt of court and told him that if he ever missed another hearing he'd throw him in jail. (J then used this to try to manipulate the kids by telling them that their mother was going to have him thrown in jail. Nice, huh?)

So for all the drama J ended up with a worse situation than what he started. For starters, CR was trying to be fair with all the driving and meet him halfway at each scheduled visit. After J missed court, the judge thought differently. So J was required to do all the driving. He also gave J very rigid dates and times that he had to notify CR of before he could see the kids. So if he didn't notify CR by a certain date/time when he was going to pick the kids up and when he was going to return them, he didn't get the kids at all. Also, there was a new section written about giving mom or I time to see the kids whenever they were in KS for a scheduled visit with him. That, plus all the thousands of dollars in lawyer and court fees... (Mom paid for CR's lawyer, if your were wondering, because I was unemployed at the time.)

So back to E and his truck and J's antics: J drove the truck to work today to get all the work done on it. Did it all NEED to be done? I have no idea. I don't know nuthin' 'bout fixin' no trucks. In the mean time I'll have a knot in my stomach until E is safe at “home.”

In other completely unrelated, but ever-so-dramatic news... S had a HUGE fight with her boyfriend, and baby-daddy, DS. S has been having fits about having to watch the little guy ever since C left town. (Since normally C gets that job.) Gotta hand it to her, she's got lazy down to an art. So, in Walmart's parking lot no less, CR, DS, and S are in a huge screaming match. (Because where else would you hold such an event? Not Home Depot's parking lot. They've got too much class...) And get this, DS took CR's side! In spite of his screwed up home life, he did manage to get some manners of out it. His feeling is that S should be doing something to contribute, because CR has put a roof over her head. S, who doesn't feel like she needs to do anything besides be in love, complains at every turn. Last I heard, he took his ring back. S was so mad at him she threw her phone and smashed it to bits. Drama-rama!

And now I'm going to go put some color on my hair because I'm tired of looking at all the gray.