The Lawn, cont'd

The next night I made a point of swinging my headlights wide as I pulled into the driveway so that I could see the state of the grass. Why I did that I'm not sure, because I talked to E on the phone during the day and he was in the middle of mowing. I blinked several times to make sure my eyes weren't deceiving me, but each time I opened them I saw the same thing: the grass STILL wasn't mowed! Not only that, but the lawn mower was still sitting out in the front yard.

From my car to the front door is mayb 10 steps, but each step only infuriated me more. I threw open the front door and E just happened to be standing right in front of me. "DO YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY TO ME???" I nearly yelled. His facial expression might have been funny if I wasn't so ticked; it was very deer-in-the-headlights. "I stubbed my toe." he meekly said.

OMG! ARE YOU FRIGGIN KIDDING ME??!?!

"Well, I don't care if you have to hop on one foot. Figure out a way to get the mower back to the shed." He just stood there. "Now!"

I just stood in the living room, seething, for a few seconds. The "talk" I'd prepared was trashed now because I really thought the lawn was going to be mowed. Yeah, color me naive.

He came back in and went back to his bedroom. I kept counting to 10 as I put my lunch stuff away and got something to drink. (Just water, tho on this particular night, alcohol might have been a better choice.)

Me	Ok, come in here. We've gotta talk.
E	[tail between his legs still] [Ed: good. He'd better have his tail between his legs or I'll snip the damn thing off.]
Me	[counting to 10 one last time as I take a swig of water]... Did I not make it VERY clear when you moved here that the lawn was your responsibility?
E	You made that clear.
Me	Ok. So here's what's going to happen: next time I say the lawn needs to be mowed, you're going to say. 'Ok, I'll mow it on Tuesday' or whatever day. And you better mow it on that day. Got it?
E	Yes.
Me	And for future reference, mow the front yard first. Nobody sees the back yard, so mow the front yard first.
E	Ok.
Me	Ok, because I don't want to do this again. You are making me act like your mother and I'm not your mother. We are two adults [Ed: this tactic has worked in the past, the whole "adult" thing], so I'd like for us to handle this as two adults.
E	Ok

I looked at the toe: bruised, but not broken.

Later, we were both in the kitchen and he made some comment about the dishwasher needing to be loaded and I just looked at him. He's home all day. Granted, he does help out, and do his own laundry, etc. But he's got a lot more time available to him to do that kind of stuff. So he responded, "I guess I need to spend some time in the kitchen tomorrow." Before he had time to blink I replied, "Let me be very clear: if I come home tomorrow and the lawn isn't mowed, do not think you're going to get out of the situation by saying, 'But I cleaned the kitchen' because I won't care. Are we clear?" Yes. "And unless there's blood or a hospital involved, there is no injury that's an acceptable excuse. Got it?"

At that point, he dropped to his knees and did the most dramatic death scene as he crawled, then fell, then tried to drag himself back to his bedroom. "It's not funny yet," I hollered back to him.

Guess what happened the next day? IT RAINED!! So the lawn STILL didn't get mowed!