A week or so ago, E and I were coming home from the grocery store and we were just chatting. Its taken me this long to process this conversation so that I could write it out here. He referred to himself as a "suicidal maniac." I glanced over at him and decided he was making a joke. So I replied, "Oh, you're not suicidal," thinking I was also making a joke. He paused, I guess deciding if he was going to be serious or not, and replied, "I think about it every day."
I have to say that my first instinct was, and continues to be, to put my hands over my ears and sing at the top of my lungs, "LALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALA!"
Of course I didn't do that. I put my serious hat on and tried my best to detatch myself so that I could ask reasonable, and prudent, questions. "Everyday?" "Do you have a plan?" "Do you see yourself following through?"
Bottom line: no specific plan, unless he could get his hands on a gun. Good thing I don't believe in them.
Don't get me wrong: I've always taken his meds seriously. Its just overwhelming reconciling the [mostly] happy-go-lucky kid with this disturbing conversation.
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2 comments:
does he have a good doc there? Id ask around and see who's the best just in case. Could be a side effect of whatever meds he's taking
We are in the process of finding him a doc in the area. I gave him the number and he was supposed to call today. (Since he's 18 I can't do it for him.) My friend J (who was a psychology major) thinks it's just the bi-polar. I'm keeping a close eye on his behavior. Haven't seen/heard anything to suggest otherwise.
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