Let's talk about that thing that you don't wanna talk about

I had to go to Walmart the other night because we were out of milk and sugar and pop tarts -- you know, the necessities. And I was over in the medicine section because E was not feeling well. As I'm trolling the aisles, I see the condoms.

E has been talking an awful lot lately about meeting girls. One night he announced he was going to look for a church to go to. I'm sure my jaw hit the floor. "I... I ... I thought you didn't ... do church?"

"I didn't," he replied. "But I thought I should start going."
Great! Glad to hear it!
"I think I've found the church I want to go to."
Really? Which one?

He then described the church I'd taken he and S to to drive around the parking lot. It's waaay out in the middle of nowhere. But I'm fairly certain it's also a Mennonite church. Nothing against the Mennonites! But if you're going to go from 0 to 60 in 1.2 seconds, you might bump your head.

I suggested some of the churches in town.
"No. I'm going to that church!"
Ok, ok! But don't be afraid to try other churches if that one doesn't feel right.

And the subject was summarily dismissed. Then Wednesday night rolls around and he headed off to church. Either they didn't have a Wednesday evening service, or the church was closed down. Although, it's hard to imagine a closed church in a small town.

Anyway, come to find out that when he did some work for my friend JL, he asked her where to meet girls and she suggested church. At least it was all making sense now.

This week he went to "youth group" on Wednesday night at the Baptist church. Since he's 18 I was a little concerned that he'd be too old for the group. Back in the day, "youth group" meant junior high and high school. He said there was a guy who was 20 there, so he didn't ask any other questions after that. I knew he went because I could smell the Axe about a block down the street. Call me crazy but I don't think its religion that's motivating his new interest in church.

Anywhooo, back to the condoms. I stood there staring at them, wondering if anyone had had "the talk" with him? If they had, did they talk about condoms? Did they explain how to use them? After a long debate with myself, I decided to buy a small box. Better safe than sorry, eh? (I would have loved to have seen myself having that debate... I'm sure anyone passing probably thought I was trying to decide on "ribbed for my pleasure" vs. glow-in-the-dark.)

When I got home, he was very chatty about church, not girls as I had anticipated. He helped me carry in the groceries as we talked. Finally we ended up on the couch talking. When there was a lull in the conversation, I decided just to jump in to the deep end of the pool. (I had a shrink once who told me this was very rarely the best strategy...)

Two questions in he started with, "I'm really uncomfortable with this conversation." I held a magazine up in front of my face, "Here. Does this help?" By the way he snorted, I'm gonna say that was a big NO. Bottom line, yes, his dad had "the talk" with him. Yes, they talked about condoms and how to use them. (Well, at least I hope they did... by that point in the conversation I think he would have said anything to shut me up.)

So I gave him the box and told him to be sure to check the expiration dates before he used them. He didn't want the box. I told him just to keep it somewhere in his room. He said, "If some girl sees that box in my room then she'll never have sex with me!" Oh, wait. I didn't mean to imply that you could have sex in this house. Nononononono. Go do it in the car like every other teenager. I'm not that cool. So I told him I'd put the box in the hall cabinet so he'd know where it was just in case. "And if you run out," I told him, "just text me..." he had his face buried in the magazine now, slightly whimpering. "And tell me you're out of those things that you don't like to talk about, and I'll know what that means."

"No," he looked up from the magazine, "I'll go get them myself."
Really? Because kids your age get embarrassed about those things...
"My face will be red the entire time, I'm sure, but I'll go get them."
Ok, just think of me as your "plan B" then.

He just got up, shaking his head, and went to his room.

All things considered, I think it went really well.